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The Dark Goddess

Once in awhile the Universe provides, an opportunity to view self through an observer's eyes. Today I was humbled and dismayed to find, that I cannot harness the Dark Goddess's ride.

While I like to pretend to have total control, She is part of my wild side, part of my soul. I prefer the inner Angel all calm and sweet, While the Dark Goddess I wish none to meet.

She fills me with guilt and unbearable shame, If only somehow her fire could be tamed. My Angel tells me that Dark Goddess shouldn't exist, Yet in the end, it's the Angel who's dismissed.

Why is it so hard to admit imperfection? To see all parts of self in my own reflection? To love even the unlovable parts of me, In that I am uncertain and yet I know it is key.

How can you accept her when I myself cannot? What makes me deny her a conscious dwelling spot? If she's a valid and natural part of me, then I must figure out how to set her free.

 by April Bender
Mood audio: Ember Island - Creep




































Recent posts

In Loving Memory - Grandma Corky

Grandma, you were a sun in my world a loving radiance shining on a little girl. You nurtured and nourished me in wonderful ways, you taught me of adventure, curiosity, and play.
When life became dark you illuminated my night, you loved me, you pushed me, and fought for what was right. You showed me what will and determination can do, and to myself you taught me to always be true.
There are so many memories flowing into my heart, it pains me to know that for now we must part. But the seeds that you planted deep inside of me, have helped me to blossom into a mighty oak tree.
(Cora Lee Greenburg September 21, 1935 - November 25, 2017)

by April Bender

Audio - Sleeping at Last: Saturn



Springtime Sigh

Lilting tones and rainbow hues Dance across a quiet room. Curtains sway, kissed by the wind, Carrying expressions of a gentle afternoon.
Its breath is ripe, fragrantly sweet, From wildflower blooms nearby. Earthen woods frame the view, While birds sail high in the sky.
The air, it hums, teeming with life, Of a wild and subtle kind. As the sun's rays beckon eyes to close, I exhale a contented s i g h.
by April Bender
Mood Audio: Relaxing Celtic Music

Defragmentation

Scattered fragments now magnetized Surface in interior rooms. Clumsily they coalesce, These orphans that Spirit exhumed. I would have preferred they remain dead, These vagabonds of perplexity. They wreak only havoc inside of me Both emotionally and mentally. They simply don’t fit any of my frames, Neither in belief or memory. And yet I know that I must integrate them If I wish ascendancy. What is it then that you provide, Oh outliers of the deep? Since Spirit has resurrected you, There is a purpose for you indeed. Come let me examine you And reveal the mystery to behold. I know you have a story to tell That hasn’t yet been told. So let us uncover your wisdom, Even if it hurts to look. And perhaps if we uncover enough, We can restore what ego took.
by April Bender
Mood Audio: Chasing Dreams - Departures

Reclamation

Daffodil

An ancient wall comes crumbling down, ivy snaps...cascades to the ground. The protected garden behind the wall, grew an idea of love too small.
It could not sustain our love within, it was time to reflect...to start over again. So I took a deep breath and let in the light, that destroyed the wall and expanded my sight.
Within that new field I planted to grow, a deeper understanding of our love to know. And just today, not a moment too soon, I spied our first flower, a Daffodil bloom.
by April Bender Mood audio: Most Wonderful Music - Between Worlds
Synchronicity: Daffodils are symbolic of spring - of birth and new beginnings.

Blessed Submersion

Peace. . . Flow. . . Silent hum. . . Suspended in a watery womb
 Cooling. . .  Soothing. . .  Serene lullaby. . .  Sinking down into Wisdom’s pool
Reflecting. . . Deflecting. . . Re-remembering. . . Conscious and sub-conscious collide
Reaching. . . Seeking. . . New patterning. . . Weaving higher impulses inside
Elevation. . . Color. . . Vibrant awareness. . . Crest as new landscapes within
Elation. . . Sensation. . . Quickening rebirth. . . Out of the depths I rise 
by April Bender
Mood audio: Mattia Cupelli - Waves

Sun Prayer

Caress me soft, caress me true, Oh essence of Light in shimmering hues.
Show me your secrets, come let us play, Together we'll dance, letting cares melt away.
Penetrate all . . .cell, blood, and spirit, Imbuing, activiting, expanding my limits.
Teach me of beauty and things not yet seen, Illuminate the mind, revitalize my being.
Warm Mother Earth so green shoots grow, Allowing blossoms to bloom, and life to flow.
And as you beam cosmic codes to the ground, May we seek out their soft tinkling sound.
by April Bender
Mood Audio: Most Emotional Music Ever: Awakening